spirited away // Mable (dreameee) wrote,
spirited away // Mable

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*for personal reference: fork stuck in the road

i don't even know what my parents want of me.  I don't even know what i want of myself.  My mom's side of the family were so excited they called all the way from canada to give me advice.  But the more advice people give me, the more confused I'm becoming.

Okay maybe i should start from the beginning.  Yesterday, I received 2 letters.  One from NUS (my current university), telling me I'd gotten into the dean's list for last semester's results.  My parents were really happy.  (but then when you've got over-achieving elder siblings, they kind of expect you to do really well anyway so yea the excitement kind of died down after awhile.) But then to my surprise, i got another letter, this time from the University of Adelaide, saying they'd offered me a place in medicine, though their school term starts in March, which is technically 2 weeks from now. :/ pretty rushed.  and  that's when all the problems started coming in.  frankly, ever since my stint at the hospital last year, i've really really wanted to do medicine.  it was one of the most meaningful months of my life, and i really thought that if i could have the chance to, i would really want to do it.  but then i ended up doing psychology instead.  and after completing one semester, i'm already halfway through my second semester, and what can i say? i've grown attached to many of the things that involve my life right now.  

i don't know what to do.  should i stay or should i go?  i semi-decided on turning down the offer yesterday, but then almost everyone started throwing me questions like "do you know what you're doing" and "are you sure".  and now, wtf every member of my mum's side of the family has called to ask me what my decision is and to throw me advice at the same time. my sister also told me to "be true to my heart".  but honestly, i don't want to be a financial burden to my parents.  and i think i'm just being very confused right now.  i don't know what the hell i'm expected to do.  

i think i'm just being whiny and annoying, but i really need to let this out.  i've been really stressed out and i really need a break. :/ sigh. why does my life throw me so many unexpected crossroads? i personally don't think this would be so stressful if not so many people were involved.  but what am i to do?! 

Tags: for personal reference, 自分の人生

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